Sunday, January 23, 2011

Backslider's whine

Alas, shopping therapy was a short-lived solution.  Unfortunately, it somehow became my drug of choice.  Suddenly I had a Gap card (but I'm saving an extra 15% on this 40% off sale! I'll buy 4 pairs of jeans!) and enablers.  Sale items seemed so cheap (I know it says X-Small, but it's a sleepwear item so they run large. It'll fit.) and I never admitted that seven $6 items added up to...well, more than $6.  I always paid off my Gap card in full, but I started accumulating so much crap.  Shopping lost whatever luster it had.  A few years into college I was downtown with my then-boyfriend and we'd had a lovely evening bar-hopping and whatnot.  After dinner, though, things took a turn for the worse and he said something I took offense to and I stormed out of the hookah bar at which we were lounging with a friend, leaving my leftover Zen Zero and him to find a way home.  Several drinks in, I walked directly to the Gap and bought jeans, a thermal shirt, and another pullover shirt because it felt good.  That was when I realized I was a) not happy/still messed up b) dealing with my unhappiness in an unhealthy (not to mention expensive) way c) tired and just wanting to go to bed.  Drunk dialing?  Drunk driving?  I was a drunk shopper.  J.Crew online sales were a formidable opponent, but I dominated the website if I'd had a bad weekend.  It's so easy to see how people can get into serious credit trouble in such a short amount of time.  Thank goodness I didn't.

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